Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Breast Feeding Class

Tonight we learned all about breast feeding. We learned about the feeding positions, the benefits of breast milk over formula, breast pumps, nipple covers and much much more. I learned that I can help too! I can help by encouraging and supporting Allison. Then on the days or feedings when she can't breast feed Baby C, I am to feed him with a bottle. This is becasue if he sees or smells Allison, he'll want the breast, not the bottle.

I was going to ask the teacher what she thought of the Manary Gland, but then she actually told us about a device very similar to it. But instead of a fake breast, it's a bag that hangs from your shoulder and you feed the baby through a straw. I'll stick to the bottle.
I was prepared for the worst going into this class. I figured I'd be like Beavis and Butt-head during Sex Ed week (4:20 into the vid) But I was well behaved. During the video, we saw a lot of closeups of breasts, nipples and a doctor that looked like Rodney Dangerfield "expressing" breast milk directly into the camera. And still, I was fine.

It wasn't the laughing during class that got me into trouble tonight, it was the jokes and general silly behavior that did me in. Early in class, the teacher showed the ladies a good starter technique. Hold the baby with one hand, hold your breast with the other hand. Now, most of you have met me. Think in your mind what I would do at this point. Ok got a thought?I thought that too. Take one of the dummy baby dolls and pretend to feed it. Well, I didn't do that! Innapropriate i thought, better be serious and not do it. But, what I did do was hold up a piece of paper in front of Allison as a screen in case she wanted to try the technique. What??? I'm just being helpful and supportive!!! Like it tells me to on the sheet!!! The SHEEET!!!!

The next thing I did, and this may have been the one that pushed Allison over the edge and got her pissed at me. There was a slide showing how the veins and something-or-others bring milk to the breast. The teacher said the breasts will get very veiny anywhere after 27 weeks. Seeing as Allison is 32 weeks, I thought to myself "why use the slide, let me just look to my right" Well, Allison knew what I was doing and was not happy about it.

Personally, I think the full-moon just makes pregnant women go nuts. Not only do we need to look out for werewolves during the full moon, but as expectant fathers, we need to be mindful of The Beast too! Silver bullets are not an option for the beast. Also not good options, the following arguments:
  • "I wasn't trying to be funny, I WAS funny"
  • "you want me to be a boring fuddy-duddy or the funny, happy go lucky guy you married? Pick one!"
Do NOT...I repeat DO NOT use these arguments.

I'm kidding, it was a good class and Allison is doing great. Her feet have swelled up quite a bit this week, but she's resting when she can and keeping them elevated when she can. less than 8 weeks until the due date and as far as I'm concerned, it cannot get here fast enough.


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