Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Birthing Class Week 5 - Graduation

Contrary to what I've been saying, the 6 week birthing class was actually a 5 week birthing class. The 6th week is an optional (funny, the whole course was optional) Newborn Care class. We're going to that class next week, but I sit here writing now fully prepared to have a baby. Laugh all you want, I have a diploma to prove it, so I must be ready....(1980's "Yeah Riiiiiight!")
Anyway, we showed up 30 minutes late for class due to weather related traffic. The class had already started a mock- delivery. By the time we got to class, the imaginary contractions were 5 minutes apart. The partners were rubbing & hugging and practicing other techniques to comfort the mothers-to-be. The room was quiet, lights were dimmed, soothing music was playing then BLAM! I threw my pillows on the floor. Not to be funny or interrupt the class, I was in a bad mood and it just sort of happened.

I wasn't really sure what to do, so I just waited for the teacher to say the next thing. Eventually we got into it and tried the positions listed on the sheet. There are more positions than they show you in TV and movies. Let's see if we remember to do any of them when the time comes. Hopefully we can find one or more positions that work for Allison.

After that we checked into the pretend hospital triage and eventually into the fake delivery room. We were shown some pushing positions and breathing techniques. The teacher, who has been a nurse for 10 years, said it's normal during delivery for a birthing mother to push for 30 seconds every 2 minutes for 2 hours! Damn! 2 hours??? DAMN!!! Oh man, we were warned about this. Not to say or do anything that could overwhelm or discourage the mom-to-be. Honey, if you are reading this, it's just for dramatic effect, got to keep the readers coming back! I"m sure it's no biggie. You'll be great. 2 hours? Cake walk. ;)

After the pretend delivery we watched a 20 minute movie. A stand up comedian was telling the story of his kids being born. It had it's funny moments, it's corny moments and it's scary moments. Scariest moment? When they say "here you go Dad" and hand you the baby. He said "Thanks, what do I do with it?" It's true. I thought to myself, I don't know what to do with a baby. I'll say "Hi Baby! How's it going?" Great. 3 seconds down, what do I do the rest of my life with him? The comedian explained what I already knew, you figure it out. You make mistakes, but just love the baby and everything will be fine. I'm ready. Bring it on.

Allison is almost 35 weeks. It has gone fast, but it has also dragged at times. I'm really excited for the Newborn Care class next week. I promise you this. When I post next week, I'll tell you all about Allison being mad at me for acting up in class. Maybe if I get it out of my system now...

I should be fine next week. It's serious stuff, newborn care. I was really good but for 2 brief moments in breastfeeding class, so I should be able to hold it together. If not, you'll hear all about it.


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