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Sorry to disappoint those of you who were expecting to read all about how I acted up in class and got into trouble with the sample baby, but I was on my best behavior tonight. I made Allison shake her head at me a few times, but not because I was being silly, but because the serious things I was doing came off as silly.
What the hell am I talking about you ask? Well, I'll tell you. Each couple had a baby to work with. We were told to practice putting diapers on and off the baby. I got it on with no problems. Snug around the legs, not too close to the cord stub, perfect. I took it off, pretending it was dirty, I folded it up to keep the stinky wetness inside, success! Trust me, I don't want to be good at this. I would much prefer to suck at this and not have to change any stinky diapers, but apparently I have a gift. Who am I to turn my back on this God given ability??
Then I tried to put the diaper back on him. I lifted him by his feet, slid the diaper under him and started to fasten it onto the baby, only I couldn't find the tabs. They were just here a minute ago. What happened to them? I found the one on the right side, this is too easy, perfect job again. Now, where the hell is that other tab? Maybe if I just pull this part here the tab will be below it...(ripping sound here) Whoops, that's not supposed to happen. I made a large tear in the left side of the diaper. Finally found the tab, but by that point the diaper was ruined. So, let's say 10 dirty diapers a day, plus 5 more if I break every other diaper, that's 15 diapers a day, times 7 days is 105 diapers a week! That's a lot of diapers. We simply can't afford that. Honey, you are on diaper duty. I can't be trusted. The fate of Baby C's poop is too important to be left to my clumsy, diaper tearing hands.
After we broke for snack, the class was more lively. I was playing with the baby for a while. I tried to hook his plastic hands onto the top of his diaper. You know, like the cool guys in a Dockers ad, but it just wasn't working out.
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The teacher told us last week that the most important thing to do before the baby gets here is to rest. I've heard that from about 100 people. I have asked this question in the past, why am I "sleeping now, while I still can"? It's not like sick or vacation time at work. I can't make a bank of sleeping hours to use later on. Well, she explained it. She said, the reason you need to" sleep now" is basically because you have no idea when that baby wants to come out, so you need to be rested so you are ready for it. Labor can be 4 hours or 24 hours, so you need to be well rested. Now I understand. Wow! that was a lot of words just to say goodnight. I'm done now and I'm going to "get some sleep." Goodnight.
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