Birthing Class Week 6 - Infant Care Week

Tonight was our final class at the National Training Center. It was the Infant Care class. We watched a great video to kick off class. It was about 15 minutes long and went over the basic things that happen when the baby is born. It showed the suctioning, cleaning, eye antibiotics, hand and footprints and much much more.
There were multiple scenes of fathers cutting the cord. Mothers kissing their baby for the first time. Mothers breastfeeding for the first time. Babies crying for the first time. Baby C, Allison and I will be going through that pretty soon. By the time you guys read this, it will be exactly 1 month until Allison's due date. That's right 1 month! Can you believe how fast this year has gone? As if I wasn't excited enough, they throw this video at me.

Sorry to disappoint those of you who were expecting to read all about how I acted up in class and got into trouble with the sample baby, but I was on my best behavior tonight. I made Allison shake her head at me a few times, but not because I was being silly, but because the serious things I was doing came off as silly.

What the hell am I talking about you ask? Well, I'll tell you. Each couple had a baby to work with. We were told to practice putting diapers on and off the baby. I got it on with no problems. Snug around the legs, not too close to the cord stub, perfect. I took it off, pretending it was dirty, I folded it up to keep the stinky wetness inside, success! Trust me, I don't want to be good at this. I would much prefer to suck at this and not have to change any stinky diapers, but apparently I have a gift. Who am I to turn my back on this God given ability??

Then I tried to put the diaper back on him. I lifted him by his feet, slid the diaper under him and started to fasten it onto the baby, only I couldn't find the tabs. They were just here a minute ago. What happened to them? I found the one on the right side, this is too easy, perfect job again. Now, where the hell is that other tab? Maybe if I just pull this part here the tab will be below it...(ripping sound here) Whoops, that's not supposed to happen. I made a large tear in the left side of the diaper. Finally found the tab, but by that point the diaper was ruined. So, let's say 10 dirty diapers a day, plus 5 more if I break every other diaper, that's 15 diapers a day, times 7 days is 105 diapers a week! That's a lot of diapers. We simply can't afford that. Honey, you are on diaper duty. I can't be trusted. The fate of Baby C's poop is too important to be left to my clumsy, diaper tearing hands.

After we broke for snack, the class was more lively. I was playing with the baby for a while. I tried to hook his plastic hands onto the top of his diaper. You know, like the cool guys in a Dockers ad, but it just wasn't working out.
There was really good Q&A throughout class. I think we feel ready now. Not because we learned so much about infant care, but I think after 6 weeks of classes, we just want to be called up to the big show. I keep saying it and I might regret that I wished my time without the baby away, but I really can't wait for Baby C to get here. I want to meet him and take care of him. He will be here before I know it, so I'm not gonna harp on this too much. Allison has real reasons for wanting him to get here and she's been cool as a cuke. She's going through A LOT more than I am. If she is hanging in there, then I better hang in there too.

The teacher told us last week that the most important thing to do before the baby gets here is to rest. I've heard that from about 100 people. I have asked this question in the past, why am I "sleeping now, while I still can"? It's not like sick or vacation time at work. I can't make a bank of sleeping hours to use later on. Well, she explained it. She said, the reason you need to" sleep now" is basically because you have no idea when that baby wants to come out, so you need to be rested so you are ready for it. Labor can be 4 hours or 24 hours, so you need to be well rested. Now I understand. Wow! that was a lot of words just to say goodnight. I'm done now and I'm going to "get some sleep." Goodnight.

Birthing Class Week 5 - Graduation

Contrary to what I've been saying, the 6 week birthing class was actually a 5 week birthing class. The 6th week is an optional (funny, the whole course was optional) Newborn Care class. We're going to that class next week, but I sit here writing now fully prepared to have a baby. Laugh all you want, I have a diploma to prove it, so I must be ready....(1980's "Yeah Riiiiiight!")
Anyway, we showed up 30 minutes late for class due to weather related traffic. The class had already started a mock- delivery. By the time we got to class, the imaginary contractions were 5 minutes apart. The partners were rubbing & hugging and practicing other techniques to comfort the mothers-to-be. The room was quiet, lights were dimmed, soothing music was playing then BLAM! I threw my pillows on the floor. Not to be funny or interrupt the class, I was in a bad mood and it just sort of happened.

I wasn't really sure what to do, so I just waited for the teacher to say the next thing. Eventually we got into it and tried the positions listed on the sheet. There are more positions than they show you in TV and movies. Let's see if we remember to do any of them when the time comes. Hopefully we can find one or more positions that work for Allison.

After that we checked into the pretend hospital triage and eventually into the fake delivery room. We were shown some pushing positions and breathing techniques. The teacher, who has been a nurse for 10 years, said it's normal during delivery for a birthing mother to push for 30 seconds every 2 minutes for 2 hours! Damn! 2 hours??? DAMN!!! Oh man, we were warned about this. Not to say or do anything that could overwhelm or discourage the mom-to-be. Honey, if you are reading this, it's just for dramatic effect, got to keep the readers coming back! I"m sure it's no biggie. You'll be great. 2 hours? Cake walk. ;)

After the pretend delivery we watched a 20 minute movie. A stand up comedian was telling the story of his kids being born. It had it's funny moments, it's corny moments and it's scary moments. Scariest moment? When they say "here you go Dad" and hand you the baby. He said "Thanks, what do I do with it?" It's true. I thought to myself, I don't know what to do with a baby. I'll say "Hi Baby! How's it going?" Great. 3 seconds down, what do I do the rest of my life with him? The comedian explained what I already knew, you figure it out. You make mistakes, but just love the baby and everything will be fine. I'm ready. Bring it on.

Allison is almost 35 weeks. It has gone fast, but it has also dragged at times. I'm really excited for the Newborn Care class next week. I promise you this. When I post next week, I'll tell you all about Allison being mad at me for acting up in class. Maybe if I get it out of my system now...


I should be fine next week. It's serious stuff, newborn care. I was really good but for 2 brief moments in breastfeeding class, so I should be able to hold it together. If not, you'll hear all about it.

Birthing Class Week 3

Tonight was the 3rd week of our birthing class. We watched a video all about the tools and drugs available to us, well available to Allison. I can ask for drugs, but the nurses are instructed not to grant the request. We saw the needle that would be used if Allison has an epidural, the vacuum that could be used if necessary while Allison pushes Baby C and a few other cool items.

Every class the whole baby thing gets a little more real. There were some uncomfortable moments in the room tonight. All the pros and cons of the aids. There's a drug that is like a narcotic. It will make Allison completely relaxed but she'll still feel some stuff. Bad news, Baby C will also get high. We wont use this one. There are a lot of decisions to make, but we'll see what happens when it gets closer. Allison is open to having an epidural and I guarantee she is up for whatever is safest for Baby C.

After the vids and show & tell, we went to the floor and did some massage techniques. We did the belly rub, head massage, neck & shoulder massage, massage with a pool noodle, another massage tool from Bath & Body Works and a hand massage. It was good. At the end of class, Allison demonstrated the techniques on me. My favorite was the hand massage.

We started up a conversation after class with another couple from Clermont. They are having a girl (I think) and she is due a few weeks after Allison. They seem very nice. It would be good to hit it off with them. I love the friends we have, but i think it would be huge to have someone going through the same thing we are at the same time we are. Also, it could be good for Allison's sanity to have another mom at home on maternity leave to talk with.

Tomorrow night we have a breast feeding class. I'm not sure what to expect. I don't embarrass easily, but I have a feeling tomorrow I will blush more than once. Come back for that write up tomorrow night.

Birthing Class Week 2 - Oh Baby!

Tonight we had week 2 of our 6 week birthing class. It was great. It was a lot better than week 1. This week we saw a video of a birth, a handsome man wore an Empathy Belly and we did some relaxation and breathing techniques.

Let's start with the Empathy Belly then we'll get to the rest. As you can see from the picture, the handsome man in the Empathy Belly was me!
I was selected by the teacher to wear it. It wasn't because she saw something special in me (so she says) it was simply because I was the first guy to enter the room. First up, the chest belt. This was designed to make it difficult for me to breathe. Simulating Baby C compressing on Allison's diaphragm. She had me take a deep breath, then push it all out. Once I pushed it all out. She pulled HARD on the strap and made it really tight.
Next up, I got a huge rack and a big old belly. It weighed about 20-25 pounds. Then she added two 10 pound balls to each side which would simulate Baby C moving and got the weight up to 40-45 pounds. Lastly, she added a patch under the belly that would rest/press on my bladder.

I had to wear it for 45 minutes to an hour. I was supposed to tell the rest of the class how I felt wearing it. We never got around to it, but I'll tell you fine people about it right now. The teacher untied my sneaker and asked me to tie it again before I got back to my seat. I tried, to just bend over but I couldn't reach. Then I tried to take a knee, that didn't work either. Some will say I cheated, but I did what I needed to do. I put my foot up on the TV and tied it there

It was difficult to breath. I could only take small shallow breaths. I was not able to take a deep breath at all. That was bad but not that bad. The worst part about it was the sack that was pressing down on my bladder. It wasn't bad when I was standing up, but when I sat down OH BABY! I had to go. I felt a little bit of pain and just wanted to go to the bathroom. It got used to it after about 10 minutes, but every once in a while if I adjusted...I felt the pressure on my bladder again and had to pee. I don't give Allison a hard time about going to the bathroom so much and after this experience I'll make sure I don't.

Another thing I noticed, I had a hard time figuring out what to do with my hands and arms. I couldn't put them down. Couldn't cross my legs and rest them on my knee. What to do with them? I just looked around to see what the real preggos were doing and just did that. the gold old hands interlocked under the belly.

The last thing she had me do was lay down on the ground as if I was in bed. It was tougher getting out of the chair than I thought it would be. I got on the ground and waited for Allison to take a picture. Funny thing, she was taking a video! I tried to get up. Couldn't bend. I tried again...and fell backwards. That's when I started laughing and just did the roll to my side and creep up technique. It was pretty cool. I'm sure this is nothing compared to what Allison is going through, but it was a nice experience.

Next up, we saw a video of a birth. I'll just say, it wasn't that bad. A few close ups of things I didn't need to see. I feel like I am a lot closer to the women in the video than I was yesterday and I should send them a gift. Gotta wrap this up. It's been another long blog post here. The breathing exercises were fun. We had some mood music and the teacher said some soothing things. I felt a little relaxed, but it didn't work all that well for me.

The last thing we did was the He-He-He-Hoo breathing. I get an F on this. I did it for about 20 seconds, then I started laughing. I was doing it wrong. I knew I was doing it wrong, but I couldn't correct myself. I laughed again and that was it. That got some of the other groups laughing and I thought I was going to be asked to leave the room. So, that's my homework, practice the He-He-He-Hoo breathing.